Article originally published 1 August 2024 on X Follow `borgpup` on [X](https://www.x.com/borgpup) and [Bluesky](https://bsky.app/profile/borgpup.bsky.social)! ## Q: Who is a nullo? A: A nullo is a person who chooses to have their genitalia removed and urethra re-routed downward into the “female” position. Bottom surgery is customized to each individual, so all of us have our own individual perspectives and definitions here. I was AMAB and my procedure (coming up in 11 days on 9 August 2024) includes constructing a clitoris with the remains of my glans buried beneath the skin. I personally identify as a non-binary trans person, but not all nullos identify this way. ## Q: Why are you becoming a nullo? A: I’ve struggled with gender dysphoria about my penis and balls for my entire life, as far back into early childhood as I can remember. When I was in kindergarten, for example, I got my parents in trouble with the school because when I drew crayon stick figure images of myself, I always drew a big dick because it stood out to me that much. Since I came out as gay at 17 and became sexually active, I’ve _always_ been a bottom. Now at 37, I can still count on two hands the number of times in my life I’ve topped a brohole with my penis. Pissing and cumming are two particularly sensitive subjects for me prior to surgery. I don’t particularly enjoy the way that either one of them feel right now. Most importantly, I hate the experience of living with a cock and balls and can’t get them off of me soon enough. Becoming a nullo is the way for me. ## Q: What is the first step to becoming a nullo? A: I have been on testosterone hormone replacement therapy (HRT) since February 2021, as the first step in my clinical treatment for gender dysphoria through my primary care provider at Howard Brown Health in Chicago. In the U.S. getting health insurance to cover any bottom surgery requires a minimum 12 prior months of HRT along with letters of support from two different therapists. Prior to starting the process of getting surgery at the end of May 2024, I hadn’t had any therapist for over two years. I managed to secure both of my letters of support in less than 48 hours via telehealth appointments with two supportive mental health providers. So, it took me less than a week to be fully prequalified for my nullo surgery. ## Q: What are the most important lessons you have learned from the process of becoming a nullo so far? A: 1. Refuse to take no for an answer and advocate for yourself fearlessly. 2. Seek out the community of other nullos early and often. There is no better guide to doing something this amazing and difficult than someone who has already walked this path before you. Every single one of us knows what it feels like to be at the beginning of this road. 3. Swallow your pride and ask for help, over and over and over again. No one can say yes to you if you always tell yourself no first. When I started this process, I had $0 for surgery and knew zero other nullos in real life. I started a GoFundMe and started blasting out my hopes and dreams on X. 1000 new followers and thousands of dollars raised later, X definitely saved my life. ## Q: As a nonbinary person, how did you choose between testosterone and estrogen HRT? How did you choose between vaginoplasty and nulloplasty? A: I don’t know if anyone has told you this before, but the truth is that gender is a choose-your-own-adventure novel, not two sets of fixed choices. You can be on either testosterone or estrogen and have a vagina, a penis, or no genitals at all. I chose testosterone HRT because I enjoy my overall body type; I’ve never felt any interest in having boobs, for example. Being assigned male at birth (AMAB) it felt sensible to work with the hormone my body was already used to the (low) presence of. Choosing between vaginoplasty and was a harder decision that required a lot of research and personal reflection. Major differences in pre-surgical and post-surgical care tipped the scales for me. Vaginoplasty requires laser hair removal on the penis and scrotum before surgery can be performed. After surgery, the aftercare is intense with relatively greater risk of complications. After a vaginoplasty, you have to flush and dilate your brand new vagina three times a day for 90 days. Ultimately, vaginoplasty wasn’t what aligned most closely with my lived experience of my gender. Nulloplasty requires no pre-surgical hair removal and the aftercare is more straightforward. After my surgery next Friday, I will be in the hospital overnight and have a catheter for a week until my first of three weekly post-op appointments in San Francisco. ## Q: How did you find your surgeon? A: Finding a surgeon is really hard, I have to be honest. Anecdotally, the U.S. health system seems to be the the “easiest” place to become a nullo. I currently reside in Southeast Wisconsin. Unless someone can prove me wrong, it is not possible to get a nulloplasty here. Even in Chicago, the closest big city, the wait times for care were absurd. I have employer-sponsored healthcare coverage through my husband’s employer. Before looking for any surgeon, I called my insurance company to ask a key question: “Does my health insurance plan cover gender reassignment surgeries according to the WPATH Standards of Care”? Meaning, do they cover the procedure assuming the standards have been met: a minimum 12 months HRT (and letter of support from hormone provider) and letters of support from two distinct therapy providers. My insurance company said yes, they do. You are fighting an uphill battle against total ignorance: almost no one you call at any phone number will have any idea what the terms “nullo,” “nulloplasty,” or “nullification” refer to. The vast majority of all people, including doctors, hold clinically outdated binary conceptions of “gender assignment” with vaginoplasty or phalloplasty as the available options for bottom surgery. In Chicago, my primary care doctor provided a referral to a gender clinic within a major university hospital in Chicago. Just trying to reach them on the phone was hell. On days 1 and 2 of trying to reach them, I waited on hold for an entire 1:00:00 just for the call to drop automatically. On day 3, I reached a human after about 30 minutes. She informed me (at the beginning of June) that the soonest available consult wasn’t until the end of January 2025. Worse, she could neither confirm nor deny if this surgeon even really offered the procedure I’m looking for. My timing needs are specific. I have been out of the workforce since March 2020. In August 2022 I completed my Finance MBA and am currently about 2/3rds of the way through a M.S. in Data Analytics. When I finish my program, I need to be working and earning, not recovering from surgery. My graduate program was also entirely unhelpful and unaccommodating when I tried approaching them for medical leave. Originally this summer, I was enrolled in two consecutive sets of 2 x 7-week graduate level analytics courses. Until the end of this past June, I was enrolled in two graduate courses and also navigating getting a nulloplasty at the same time. I’ll be forever grateful to [@versasspunk](https://x.com/@versasspunk) to persuading me into dropping my remaining summer classes, instead of trying to finish them early. That would have been a suicide mission. I was able to drop my second set of courses, giving me all of July and the first half of August to make my surgery happen. It was either August, December (winter break), or next summer. Prequalified for surgery with good insurance, there was no way in hell I was going to wait that long. About two years ago, a friend sent me the Crane Center’s (CC) website and it’s the best thing I’ve ever bookmarked on X for reference later: [https://cranects.com](https://cranects.com/). After my harrowing experience trying to find a provider in Chicago, I called CC. I was able to speak to a friendly, helpful, question-answering front desk human in less than one minute of waiting. They set me up with a Telehealth consult for a few days later. The day after the consult - the week after my 37th birthday - I already had a confirmed surgery date on the books for 8/9/2024 at St. Francis Memorial Hospital in San Francisco. They were able to give me the perfect surgery date to align with my academic schedule. I fully recommend the Crane Center - they have provided an exceptional level of continuous care and support throughout the process. In addition to their world-class surgeons, they have a highly-skilled insurance team adept at persuading U.S. insurance companies to cover “out-of-network” trans surgical care through in-network exceptions. They also work with Canadian provincial insurance. 🇨🇦 ## Q: Aren’t you excited to become a nullo in 10 days?/"I bet you can't wait!" A: The only thing I’ve been looking forward to every waking hour since the beginning of June is that first moment waking up after surgery and just like that it’s like my man parts never happened. As I write this, I am 10 days and 1 hour away from surgery and 4 days away from leaving for California. Successfully getting this done in nine weeks, within my graduate school time constraints, feels like I won the lottery with the logistics of a passenger exchange at the International Space Station. Secretly? To be honest? I feel like an anxious mess. Spending the entire month of August in San Francisco for pre-op, surgery, and three weeks of post-op care is the scariest, most expensive, daunting feat I’ve ever accomplished. Up until these past few days, I’d been laser-focused on the “getting myself into the operating room” part of the plan. Now, the reality of the recovering from surgery in San Francisco in a hotel for three weeks without a kitchen part is hitting me hard. Healing and needing a 24/7 caregiver after surgery is going to be really tough for a few weeks. As much as I dislike asking for help, the reality right now is that my husband and I still need additional funds to be able to eat. Everything I’ve raised so far has gone into one-way flights to San Francisco ($500 total), a 28-night hotel stay four blocks from the hospital ($3,600), and a $1,500 downpayment on my $6,850 total out-of-pocket cost. I have 90 days after surgery to pay the other $5,350. So yes, I cannot wait to yeet my nuts into the void. But, knowing that I still need to raise another $7000 or so keeps me up at night (like last night). Any and all amounts of support to my GoFundMe would make all the difference in the world for me to just yank the frank and get home safely. ## Q: Why are you being so open about your nullo transition and putting so much work into this? A: Written resources about becoming a nullo barely exist. When I committed to getting surgery at the beginning of June, I had like 300 followers on X and felt like an anxious qweirdo. Starting the process and hitting roadblocks made me feel alone. A sad truth is that the _only_ reliable information I could find about becoming a nullo was from the Crane Center’s [website](https://cranects.com/) and firsthand accounts from nullos on X. As a community, we deserve more and better sources of truth. A solid first step is writing down our firsthand experiences for others to learn from. Since I first announced my surgery date, I have received an overwhelming amount of love and unconditional support from the nullo community. I am simply paying it forward to the next nullo. You are not alone. If some of us aren’t visible, none of us are. The biggest barrier that I have confronted in accessing the healthcare I need, apart from patronizing bureaucratic hurdles, is total oblivious ignorance that our community exists at all. Even with my success at finding a surgeon, my reconstructive urologist told me last Friday that I am the first AMAB nulloplasty he has ever performed. Even with years of practice performing MTF vaginoplasty and AFAB nulloplasty, there is still no substantial medical literature for him to fall back on to reference the “best” way to perform my surgery. Peer-reviewed clinical research takes time! X is cheaper than therapy. The beginning of this process was very overwhelming with lots to process on a daily basis. I was taking two graduate courses at once while also navigating surgery. I felt like a mess and knew I needed more support. After getting my letters of support from two different therapists, I realized that therapy is _not_ what I needed then or now. I needed community. Building nullo community and solid allies is hard work, but someone has to start. So, I built one! ## Q: How does it feel to be fetishized? How has this affected your sex life? A: My primary goal from surgery is to feel comfortable just relaxing while doing nothing in my own skin. Gender dysphoria has gotten old after 37 years. I’m already used to being fetishized from a body covered in tattoos and being a very exhibitionist FF bottom IRL in Chicago and on X. I have Edward Munch’s “The Scream” tattooed on my left arm and Vincent Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” on my right arm. The only places on my body that aren’t already tattooed are my unfinished headpiece, my face, my ass, the back of my legs, and the bottom of my feet. That’s about it. The tattoos on my body have won trophies at the Milwaukee and Chicago tattoo conventions going back 12+ years now. So, I have lots of practice making irreversible body modification choices - that others fetishize and can’t get enough of. Sex is already really fun for me because a decade in chastity cages taught me how to cum with my hole and nipples without touching my penis. After I’m recovered from surgery, I look forward to serving up as much slutty nullo hole as y’all can handle! 😈 Other people can objectify and fetishize me to their hearts’ content by following on [X](https://x.com/borgpup) and subscribing to my [JFF](https://justfor.fans/borgpup) for $7.99 😎🎬. T-8 days to fresh baby nullo 🕳️. ## Q: What's the most surprising thing to come out of being nullo that you hadn't expected? A: Finding the best family I’ve ever known. I wouldn’t trade the people I’ve met for anything. I’ll have to report back a year from now after I’ve had some time in my new body.